singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
