4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
