I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
