he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
