Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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