I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
