thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
