why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
