As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
