batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
