is your mom at the bar?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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