Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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