I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
