Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
