I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
