I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
