Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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