I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
