I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
