What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
