look no pants
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
