Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
