This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
that is very illegal...i love you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
