I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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