Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
