I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
