I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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