weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
