He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
