is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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