I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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