I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
