I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize