i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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