I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
