I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
