Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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