I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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