i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
