Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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