I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
