Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
