I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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