Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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