Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I bet he comes in French.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
