The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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