Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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