you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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