VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
