no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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