what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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