I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
