: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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