He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
