i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
