My sheets look like a crime scene.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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