I cannot find my penis.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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