U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
this hospital has no fireball
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
