So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
