I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you had me at cake vodka
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
