I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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