so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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