Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
