Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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