I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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