You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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