NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
