One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
