i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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