Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
