She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
