Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
