if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
