The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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