I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
