forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think my fart just growled at me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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