watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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