He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize