a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
