he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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