I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
