why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
