Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
