When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
