Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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