Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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