Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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