they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The Olympian is in my bed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
