if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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