Someone shit on the floor
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
